You're telling me THIS is a plus-sized model?!

I’m following @LaneBryant on Twitter. I’m not sure they’re following me, but that’s hardly the point since they should be monitoring their name on Twitter anyway; they should notice when I mention them, right? Well, they didn’t. But that’s okay, because I know it’s a busy world out there and businesses don’t have time to respond to every single complaint. Even if I complain about the same thing a second time. Really, it’s okay.

Before I get started on the rant, though, I did want to give Lane Bryant the props they deserve. They hire GREAT people. I’ve never walked into a Lane Bryant store and not been greeted with a friendly smile and offer of help. Even better, they are not the type to hover! And when you do have a question, they’re knowledgeable and un-intimidating. Also, they’re always sure to let me know the current deals and promotions to help me get the most for my money.

Now. The rant.

The other day, I found a tweet from Lane Bryant asking for my opinion on ads. Well, I have a lot to say about Lane Bryant and their catalog and ads, and I’m going to say it here (and I’ll post my direct answers to their questions as a comment on their web site, as they asked – even though it’s highly irritating that I have to become a member and give them my home address before I can leave a comment). Here are the 10 questions they asked in their survey along with my answers:

1. When you receive ads in the mail, which ones do you pay attention to?

Most ads end up in the recycle bin. I’ll look at the grocery store ads, but don’t get much use out of them. The only retail ads I get (if I recall correctly) are for Fashion Bug and Lane Bryant. If I have time to kill, I sometimes quickly scan through those catalogs to look at the clothes.

2. Which retailer’s advertisements grab your eye and why?

I guess the Lane Bryant and Fashion Bug ones, as they’re colorful . . . and the only ones I get.

3. Who sends you the best advertising or catalog?

The best? I guess I’ll say Fashion Bug.

4. When you get the Lane Bryant magalog – what are your first thoughts?

“Hrm. Lane Bryant pisses me off because they have too many skinny chicks in here.”

5. What is Lane Bryant doing right in its advertising?

Are the coupons and “Real Women Dollars” part of the advertising? If they are, you’re doing that right.

6. What is Lane Bryant doing wrong in its advertising?

Check out the panties section of your web site, where the pictures show the belly and hips. I see maybe three women who might qualify as “slightly overweight”. Where are the Real Women you tout? Oh, right. They’re hidden in your blog/community/whatchamacalit.

7. Does the Lane Bryant magalog look expensive, not expensive, or inexpensive?

Not expensive.

8. What are your favorite things about the Lane Bryant magalog?

Not much. I guess that there are coupons. But they’re rarely useful – to me, personally – since I don’t shop for clothing that often. It’s good to know they’re there, though, for when I do need to go shopping.

9. What don’t you like about the Lane Bryant magalog?

Hello. Page 26 of the current catalog. You’re kidding me, right? I would really like to know what size this woman is wearing because I wear size 18/20, which as you know, is the next size up from the smallest you offer – 14/16. I am nowhere NEAR looking like this woman. Check out the panties section of your web site, where the pictures show the belly and hips. Seriously?

You know those Real Women of Lane Bryant I mentioned earlier? These are the women I want to see a lot more of in the catalog and on the web site. This woman, she makes me want to buy her clothes. Why? Because she’s REAL. And she looks happy and confident, regardless of her weight! Does anyone really relate to the fashion show model posing? I don’t. Maybe that’s because I’ve been jaded by so many years of looking at bizarre clothing on waif-like women in bizarre poses – you know, the ones running rampant in most magazines.

10. And last but not least – what store do you buy most of your clothes?

Fashion Bug and Wal-Mart. I don’t have the money to buy everything I’d want from Lane Bryant. Also, Fashion Bug tends to have “younger” styles than Lane Bryant.